oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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