my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
