he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
