he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
