True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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