so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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