Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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