I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
