You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
