Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
