I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
