I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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