Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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