you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
