May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
