if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
