Apparently you make a good broom.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
