We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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