I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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