i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We need to get me chipped asap
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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