shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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