i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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