clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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