i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
