I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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