Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
