It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
