To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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