it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
