She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
