I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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