On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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