I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
