your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
