i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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