I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
