I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
