just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
