she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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