i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
