How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
