On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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