ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
