I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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