I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
