Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
cat food counts as protein by the way
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
