I wish I could punch you in the face.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
