At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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