her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
