You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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