My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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