P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
