I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
