Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
