Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
